Make A Marriage Poll?

[little_miss_late]

[quote name='southern california guy' date='22 January 2010 - 11:51 PM' timestamp='1264222268' post='2042652']

BACKGROUND
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MORAL VALUES

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FAMILY VALUES

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CATHOLIC VALUES
...
[/quote]

I'm not saying that it's wrong to care about someone's background or the plans she has for her life. But I have found that it is more important to take people as they are, each day. When I see a guy with a checklist, my perception is, "wow, what if something changes in my life? What if I can't have 5 kids?"

Instead of all this about what you want your wife to be like, focus on what you want your marriage to be like and then find a woman who also wants a marriage like that. Maybe it seems picky but I think this small change in your focus might make a difference in the way you come across.

[Norseman82]

[quote name='little_miss_late' date='23 January 2010 - 12:01 PM' timestamp='1264266082' post='2042858']
I'm not saying that it's wrong to care about someone's background or the plans she has for her life. But I have found that it is more important to take people as they are, each day. When I see a guy with a checklist, my perception is, "wow, what if something changes in my life? What if I can't have 5 kids?"

Instead of all this about what you want your wife to be like, focus on what you want your marriage to be like and then find a woman who also wants a marriage like that. Maybe it seems picky but I think this small change in your focus might make a difference in the way you come across.
[/quote]

Well, I'm sure [i]everyone[/i] has their list of negotiables and non-negotiables, so to speak. But isn't that what this thread is about? Yes, it is true circumstances change, and the challenge is to try to align that with the "negotiables" and develop "plan B"s, so to speak.

[Norseman82]

[quote name='nunsense' date='23 January 2010 - 12:00 AM' timestamp='1264222822' post='2042660']
Simply say that you don't want to marry an annullee (or a non-virgin if that is what your real reason is) and leave it at that [/quote]

That would be fine if other people would leave it at that as well if he were to express such a preference.

[Norseman82]

[quote name='nunsense' date='22 January 2010 - 10:59 PM' timestamp='1264219162' post='2042625']
Look, you are obviously a nice guy looking for a nice girl, but sometimes we can get way too desperate about anything that we want, and all that comes across then is the desperation. I would say that you might want to back off from this whole search a little - not to forget about it entirely, but to "let go, let God" a little more. No matter how much you want this thing to happen, and in exactly the way that you want it to happen - God has His own plans. Maybe spend a little more time getting to know your faith again, since you have been around the block a few times with other religions. If you become a truly holy Catholic, rather than just someone who is very judgmental of others for their choices, then this will attract holy Catholic women (which is what you want, right?) to you more than all this shopping list stuff.

Spend more time in prayer, asking God to show you His will. Go to Adoration, pray the Rosary. Participate at your church, as acts of charity rather than as just ways to find women. Become a little self-forgetful and you will be surprised how much better things look. And ask the Blessed Virgin for her intercession in your problem. But stop trying to control it all so much! One day you are going to die, whether you end up married or not, so focus on building up your treasures in heaven, and let God take of the treasures here - He knows what you need.
[/quote]

He's not an old lady, he's a healthy male with (hopefully) many years ahead of him.

[Socrates]

[quote name='southern california guy' date='22 January 2010 - 09:39 PM' timestamp='1264214358' post='2042558']
I am on Ave Maria Singles. And that is a very good website! I might just try it. But I think I'd want to broach the subjects very very carefully.
[/quote]
Are you saying you paid for a membership on the site, but have never actually used it?
And broach what subjects very carefully?
(Sorry, I'm just not exactly following what you're trying to say here.)

It's easy to search only for ladies whose status is "never married," as well as to only allow never married women to contact you. You can also screen out those who disagree with the Church on issues such as abortion and contraception.

Someone who opposes you on these issues will probably not be an acceptable match for you anyway, so why are you worried about whether your views might upset other people? (if I'm understanding you correctly)

[Winchester]

[quote name='Norseman82' date='23 January 2010 - 12:25 PM' timestamp='1264267532' post='2042873']
He's not an old lady, he's a healthy male with (hopefully) many years ahead of him.
[/quote]
Well I think he's a very nice lady.

[southern california guy]

[quote name='Winchester' date='23 January 2010 - 01:38 PM' timestamp='1264279100' post='2042963']
Well I think he's a very nice lady.
[/quote]

With a hockey stick as a weapon!

[southern california guy]

[quote name='little_miss_late' date='23 January 2010 - 10:01 AM' timestamp='1264266082' post='2042858']
I'm not saying that it's wrong to care about someone's background or the plans she has for her life. But I have found that it is more important to take people as they are, each day. When I see a guy with a checklist, my perception is, "wow, what if something changes in my life? What if I can't have 5 kids?"

Instead of all this about what you want your wife to be like, focus on what you want your marriage to be like and then find a woman who also wants a marriage like that. Maybe it seems picky but I think this small change in your focus might make a difference in the way you come across.
[/quote]

Adoption is a possibility.

The Mormons in Utah used to argue that it didn't matter who you married. They argued that a marriage was what you made of it. And I argued that you couldn't make as much of a marriage with somebody who didn't share the same values, principles and interests.

[b]MORMON GUY[/b] "I don't think that you're really the right sort of guy for her. It would break her parents heart if she didn't marry a Returned
Missionary. I know a much better woman for you."

[b]ME [/b] "Okay.."

[b]MORMON GUY[/b] "I think that you would be a very good father. You said that you wanted to have kids, right?

[b]ME[/b] "Yeah.."

[b]MORMON GUY[/b] "Perfect! She's already got five kids! And don't worry about her old boyfriends. There are restraining orders against both of
them. And she just got out of rehab and she's doing really well. I think that this time she's going to stay off of the meth for
good.
"So would you like to meet her?"

[b]ME [/b] "No thanks, it doesn't sound like she's really what I'm looking for.. I really like the woman I'm dating now."
[b]
MORMON GUY[/b] "Are you sure? Remember a marriage is what you make of it. And those kids could really use a male role model!"

[b]ME[/b] "Sorry.."
[b]
MORMON GUY[/b] "Freakin' homo!"

Edited January 24, 2010 by southern california guy

[Norseman82]

[quote name='southern california guy' date='23 January 2010 - 08:10 PM' timestamp='1264295439' post='2043135']
Adoption is a possibility.

The Mormons in Utah used to argue that it didn't matter who you married. They argued that a marriage was what you made of it. And I argued that you couldn't make as much of a marriage with somebody who didn't share the same values, principles and interests.

[b]MORMON GUY[/b] "I don't think that you're really the right sort of guy for her. It would break her parents heart if she didn't marry a Returned
Missionary. I know a much better woman for you."

[b]ME [/b] "Okay.."

[b]MORMON GUY[/b] "I think that you would be a very good father. You said that you wanted to have kids, right?

[b]ME[/b] "Yeah.."

[b]MORMON GUY[/b] "Perfect! She's already got five kids! And don't worry about her old boyfriends. There are restraining orders against both of
them. And she just got out of rehab and she's doing really well. I think that this time she's going to stay off of the meth for
good.
"So would you like to meet her?"

[b]ME [/b] "No thanks, it doesn't sound like she's really what I'm looking for.. I really like the woman I'm dating now."
[b]
MORMON GUY[/b] "Are you sure? Remember a marriage is what you make of it. And those kids could really use a male role model!"

[b]ME[/b] "Sorry.."
[b]
MORMON GUY[/b] "Freakin' homo!"
[/quote]

That's funny, because [b]MORMON GUY[/b] sounds like some modern-day Catholics who have fallen for the misconception and employ the high-pressure manipulation tactic that there is one spouse picked out for us by God and if we reject that spouse we are somehow going against God.

[Lilllabettt]

[quote name='Norseman82' date='23 January 2010 - 09:36 PM' timestamp='1264296976' post='2043156']
That's funny, because [b]MORMON GUY[/b] sounds like some modern-day Catholics who have fallen for the misconception and employ the high-pressure manipulation tactic that there is one spouse picked out for us by God and if we reject that spouse we are somehow going against God.
[/quote]


But isn't Mormon guy saying the exact opposite of that. Isn't he saying it doesn't matter who you marry, its what you make of it.

[Norseman82]

[quote name='Lilllabettt' date='23 January 2010 - 08:37 PM' timestamp='1264297060' post='2043158']
But isn't Mormon guy saying the exact opposite of that. Isn't he saying it doesn't matter who you marry, its what you make of it.
[/quote]

Although on the surface it may seem the exact opposite, the result is the same: it is up to you to ditch your standards and give in and adjust to high-pressure manipulation, or else you will be called a "homo" by the [b]MORMON GUY[/b] or "someone who disregards God's will" by the modern-day pseudo-Catholic.

[southern california guy]

[quote name='Lilllabettt' date='23 January 2010 - 06:37 PM' timestamp='1264297060' post='2043158']
But isn't Mormon guy saying the exact opposite of that. Isn't he saying it doesn't matter who you marry, its what you make of it.
[/quote]

Yes, but he is saying it to try to manipulate the other guy into marrying that woman.

The Mormons want their people to get married. They're sort of saying "Relax, don't be so picky, stop wasting time and worrying so much. Just choose somebody quickly -- and marry them!" I suppose that the truth is that most of us who are still single are pretty picky.

So while I agree with you I also totally agree with Norseman below.

[quote name='Norseman82' date='23 January 2010 - 07:44 PM' timestamp='1264301093' post='2043197']
Although on the surface it may seem the exact opposite, the result is the same: it is up to you to ditch your standards and give in and adjust to high-pressure manipulation, or else you will be called a "homo" by the [b]MORMON GUY[/b] or "someone who disregards God's will" by the modern-day pseudo-Catholic.
[/quote]

Exactly. It sounds like a very similar situation.

The Mormons in Utah are always matchmaking. They might want to "reward" a loyal member with a good wife. For example to be eligible to date the more desirable woman you must go on a Mission. Which is how they get the guys to go on the Missions. The Mormons also want to find husbands for woman with problems as well. And the problem is, how do you get a decent guy to marry her?

In the early days of Utah if there was a struggling single woman the Bishop might ask a wealthy member to marry her -- even if he already had one or more wives. Then she would be taken care of -- and non-member couldn't marry her. According to the old census's taken in Utah, there were actually more men than women in Utah back when there was polygamy. But that's not really surprising. That's the way the West was.