A Crucifix Above The Marriage Bed?

[Archaeology cat]

Oh, and in our case, if a crucifix would be over the bed, it would be over the family bed. Co-sleeping FTW.

[quote name='KeenanParkerII' date='19 January 2010 - 10:55 AM' timestamp='1263898538' post='2040104']
Can you lust over your wife??
[/quote]
Well, you shouldn't. Lust is not the same as sexual desire. Lust objectifies the other person, so you certainly shouldn't lust after your spouse.

[HarmonyServant]

Lust tends to mean that you think about your own pleasure and not your spouse's. Lust makes the other person an object. That's not good in a marriage. However, one can be attracted and drawn to one's spouse as long as the intentions are for mutual respect, love, etc. Desire does not equal lust.

[Socrates]

[quote name='King's Rook's Pawn' date='18 January 2010 - 05:35 PM' timestamp='1263854119' post='2039844']
This is a weird question, but I'm genuinely curious about this and can't seem to find a decent answer. I heard that it's a tradition for many married couples to keep a crucifix on the wall above their bed. And what about people who wear crucifixes and scapulars? I'm not married, but I fell like it would be [i]extremely[/i] uncomfortable wearing a scapular or having crucifix or, say, an icon of Mary present while, well, doing what married couples do in bed. On the other hand, the idea of removing them all and hiding them away each time would also feel wrong, like you were doing something wrong and dirty, which you wouldn't be. So either way would seem distasteful to me. Is there any standard answer to this or what?
[/quote]
Yes, that is indeed a weird question. It seems that you (perhaps subconsciously) have some kind of puritanical or Manichean hangup which regards even proper married sexuality as somehow shameful and offensive to God.
I think you basically answer your own question here: "On the other hand, the idea of removing them all and hiding them away each time would also feel wrong, like you were doing something wrong and dirty, which you wouldn't be."
Crucifixes, medals, icons, and other sacred images are a form of prayer and devotion to God and His saints, and a way of asking for His blessings on all that we do, and they can help keep [i]us[/i] focused on God and His love and mercy.
It would seem wrong to me to wish to consciously remove any symbol of God from a particular part of our life. If you get married, the sacred marital act, involved with the procreation of children, as ordered by God, will be one of the most important and sacred aspects of your life, and probably one of the [i]last[/i] ones from which you'd want to exclude God's presence and blessings.

The presence of crucifixes, scapulars, etc. will not make God any more or less aware of what you do in the bedroom. It's not like they're spy cameras through which the Lord watches you like some pervert, but are ways of invoking His blessings.
Obviously, you're not required to have a crucifix or such over your bed, and this decision belongs ultimately to you and your wife. However, if there's a problem, it's a psychological issue on your part, rather than there being anything intrinsically wrong with sacred images in the bedroom. If it really bothers you, you might want to discuss this with a good priest.

[Christie_M]

I don't think that a regular wooden or metal crusifix would be a problem over my bed, though I like them better over doorframes. Glow in the dark crusifix would probably be a different story.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='King's Rook's Pawn' date='19 January 2010 - 12:11 AM' timestamp='1263885116' post='2040079']
But you can't help how you feel. Even if it's irrational. I'd want a feeling of privacy during such an intimate time and I just wouldn't like the idea. Come to think of it, I'd also feel uncomfortable if, say, a big picture of my parents or my in-laws was overlooking the bed as well. Maybe it's just me, but what can I do?
[/quote]
+JMJ+
read the book "Holy Sex"

[King's Rook's Pawn]

[quote name='Socrates' date='19 January 2010 - 11:34 AM' timestamp='1263918855' post='2040161']
Yes, that is indeed a weird question. It seems that you (perhaps subconsciously) have some kind of puritanical or Manichean hangup which regards even proper married sexuality as somehow shameful and offensive to God.
I think you basically answer your own question here: "On the other hand, the idea of removing them all and hiding them away each time would also feel wrong, like you were doing something wrong and dirty, which you wouldn't be."
Crucifixes, medals, icons, and other sacred images are a form of prayer and devotion to God and His saints, and a way of asking for His blessings on all that we do, and they can help keep [i]us[/i] focused on God and His love and mercy.
It would seem wrong to me to wish to consciously remove any symbol of God from a particular part of our life. If you get married, the sacred marital act, involved with the procreation of children, as ordered by God, will be one of the most important and sacred aspects of your life, and probably one of the [i]last[/i] ones from which you'd want to exclude God's presence and blessings.

The presence of crucifixes, scapulars, etc. will not make God any more or less aware of what you do in the bedroom. It's not like they're spy cameras through which the Lord watches you like some pervert, but are ways of invoking His blessings.
Obviously, you're not required to have a crucifix or such over your bed, and this decision belongs ultimately to you and your wife. However, if there's a problem, it's a psychological issue on your part, rather than there being anything intrinsically wrong with sacred images in the bedroom. If it really bothers you, you might want to discuss this with a good priest.
[/quote]

That's a good answer. But still, what if you can't get over your hangup? Would it be wrong just to leave them out of the bedroom atmosphere saying, "I know this is silly, but it's just how I am?"

[King's Rook's Pawn]

[quote name='Lil Red' date='19 January 2010 - 02:48 PM' timestamp='1263930525' post='2040260']
read the book "Holy Sex"
[/quote]

"A Catholic Guide to Toe-Curling, Mind-Blowing, Infallible Loving"? Now I know I'm prudish; I find the title alone repellent.

[Happy_Catholic]

[quote name='King's Rook's Pawn' date='19 January 2010 - 08:05 PM' timestamp='1263949531' post='2040403']
"A Catholic Guide to Toe-Curling, Mind-Blowing, Infallible Loving"? Now I know I'm prudish; I find the title alone repellent.
[/quote]

All it makes me think of is that witch in the Wizard of oz who's toes curled up.

[Veridicus]

[quote name='Resurrexi' date='18 January 2010 - 07:54 PM' timestamp='1263866042' post='2039944']
By the way, would just like to add that, not only is it good to have a crucifix about the marriage bed, but it it also ideal for the marriage bed to be blessed.
[/quote]

My priest blessed ours the morning before the wedding. The Marriage Bed, the Crucifix, and the whole apartment.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='King's Rook's Pawn' date='19 January 2010 - 06:05 PM' timestamp='1263949531' post='2040403']
"A Catholic Guide to Toe-Curling, Mind-Blowing, Infallible Loving"? Now I know I'm prudish; I find the title alone repellent.
[/quote]
+JMJ+
yup, you are being prudish. it's a great book, and very orthodox.

[Socrates]

[quote name='King's Rook's Pawn' date='19 January 2010 - 08:01 PM' timestamp='1263949305' post='2040400']
That's a good answer. But still, what if you can't get over your hangup? Would it be wrong just to leave them out of the bedroom atmosphere saying, "I know this is silly, but it's just how I am?"
[/quote]
As I'm neither a psychologist nor a priest, I really can't tell you what to do.
It seems a small or more "abstract" crucifix would not have the "being watched" effect (but then neither would a scapular, imo). If it's simply the presence of any sacred symbol that bothers you, perhaps you have deeper issues.

Are you even engaged or have a serious gf? I suspect that this issue will clear itself up if you actually get married, and I wouldn't worry about it yet. But if it's an issue for you, I'd again recommend talking to a good priest.

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='King's Rook's Pawn' date='19 January 2010 - 09:01 PM' timestamp='1263949305' post='2040400']
That's a good answer. But still, what if you can't get over your hangup? Would it be wrong just to leave them out of the bedroom atmosphere saying, "I know this is silly, but it's just how I am?"
[/quote]
I have an entire wall of crucifixes in my bedroom, I collect them.

When you have company, do you lock some of your rooms so no one can enter?
When you get married, you are technically inviting God to live in your hearts and your home,specifically BOTH of your hearts and ALL of your home. Marital love is sacred, because with it we and GOD together create new life. Invite God to the conception, He is gonna be there anyway.

[tojo]

[quote name='King's Rook's Pawn' date='19 January 2010 - 08:01 PM' timestamp='1263949305' post='2040400']
Would it be wrong just to leave them out of the bedroom atmosphere saying, "I know this is silly, but it's just how I am?"
[/quote]

There is no requirement that a Catholic must place a crucifix or an icon or any other sacramental or religious art object any where in his or her home.

They are a great blessing though, and they are to be recommended.

[Resurrexi]

[quote name='Veridicus' date='19 January 2010 - 08:34 PM' timestamp='1263951250' post='2040419']
My priest blessed ours the morning before the wedding. The Marriage Bed, the Crucifix, and the whole apartment.
[/quote]
Nice! I think you are the first person since my infamous bed blessing thread who has mentioned actually having this done.

[Skinzo]

[quote name='King's Rook's Pawn' date='19 January 2010 - 09:01 PM' timestamp='1263949305' post='2040400']
That's a good answer. But still, what if you can't get over your hangup? Would it be wrong just to leave them out of the bedroom atmosphere saying, "I know this is silly, but it's just how I am?"
[/quote]

Why not? There is no requirement for having them in the bedroom. If you can't deal with it, then I say you just can't deal with it. But it does seem to me that the root of your problem is an attitude that sex even in marriage is somehow "dirty". I would consider reading some books on the Theology of the Body and yes also the title mentioned elsewhere in this thread. It's not easy for some of us to develop a positive attitude towards even married sex. I grew up in the Tridentine Church and still struggle with those puritanical attitudes myself. It takes time to learn to appreciate that sexuality is God's gift to us. What helped me was to consider that my puritanical attitudes had the practical effect of thinking sexuality was evil; and how could that be true of God's gift? Another problem is that we live in a culture that trivializes sex ad infinitum; I think that has a tendency to drive us to the opposite extreme in our thinking. Anyway, dealing with it is a growth process, not an overnight thing.
God bless,

S.