Help With The Spiritual Life

[OraProMe]

I've been trying to give my spiritual life another shot but it's really not working. I confess that I read people's comments here about how much they love God and the Church and get jealous. I think I want that too. But it hasn't been working. I quickly fall back into mortal sin after going to confession, most of my prayers seem hollow, I'm even starting to become bored in adoration and my love for the Mass seems to have been reduced to mere aestheticism, loving the chant and smells but that's about it. I could explain to you a lot about catholic doctrine but not tell you how much I believe it myself. When I look to the hierarchy I seem bipolar. I'm either annoyed at them for being too liberal in liturgical and doctrinal matters or feel alienated by their moral conservativism. I've been trying to think about my vocation but get no answers. I want to have a family but can't do that and remain Catholic. I wanted to become a priest when I was a kid but can't do that. I don't feel called to the monastic life. I'm just stuck with no direction as far as religion goes.

Help.

Edited January 12, 2010 by OraProMe

[mcts]

I often feel the same way. Do you have a spiritual director? I have a lady who I talk to who isn't exactly my spiritual director, but she's as close as I've come to, so far, and every time I talk to her, it all seems to make more sense. She knows my problems and reminds me of my goals. If you don't have someone like that, I highly suggest that you find one.

[Ash Wednesday]

It's perfectly normal to go through periods of spiritual dryness and to also feel a certain resentment towards others that might appear to be going through times of spiritual consolation. I sometimes actually take breaks from Phatmass when I struggle spiritually (though sometimes it's also just being busy), but also in part because I also experience that resentment as well.

I actually find it pretty astonishing that Mother Teresa spent a great deal of time in her life enduring periods of dryness and very little spiritual consolation. Not only is this a testement of her awesomeness, but also shows that while everything may seem a certain way on the outside, we don't always know what is going on on the inside with people. So I would say don't worry too much about how well someone else may be doing and don't let it discourage you.

I've heard spiritual directors can help, though I do not have one myself. Edited January 12, 2010 by Ash Wednesday

[Lil Red]

[quote name='OraProMe' date='12 January 2010 - 08:35 AM' timestamp='1263310549' post='2035349']
I've been trying to give my spiritual life another shot but it's really not working. I confess that I read people's comments here about how much they love God and the Church and get jealous. I think I want that too. But it hasn't been working. I quickly fall back into mortal sin after going to confession, most of my prayers seem hollow, I'm even starting to become bored in adoration and my love for the Mass seems to have been reduced to mere aestheticism, loving the chant and smells but that's about it. I could explain to you a lot about catholic doctrine but not tell you how much I believe it myself. When I look to the hierarchy I seem bipolar. I'm either annoyed at them for being too liberal in liturgical and doctrinal matters or feel alienated by their moral conservativism. I've been trying to think about my vocation but get no answers. I want to have a family but can't do that and remain Catholic. I wanted to become a priest when I was a kid but can't do that. I don't feel called to the monastic life. I'm just stuck with no direction as far as religion goes.

Help.
[/quote]
+JMJ+
first, i will be praying for you and perseverance in your faith.

second, can i share some of what i've read lately? i hope it will help. first is a reflection from St. Teresa of Avila, in relation to today's Gospel:
[quote]He [the devil] put the thought in my head to question how, since I was so wretched and had received so many favors, I could engage in prayer; and the thought that it was enough for me to recite, like everyone else, my obligatory vocal prayers; and the question about how I could pretend to do more since I didn't even say my vocal prayers well; he suggested that engaging in prayer showed a lack of reverence and little esteem for the favors of God.
It was right to think about and understand these things; but [b]to give up the practice of prayer was the greatest evil.[/b] May you be blessed, Lord, who came to my rescue.[/quote]
I hope that you persevere in your prayer, especially with the particular struggles you have, the devil would like nothing more than to have you give up your prayer life. push through this struggle!

the second reflection is from [u]God and the World[/u] which I am reading right now. in the section, "Lamenting Like Job", he is asked this question:
[i]"I have assigned to me", says Job, "nothing for my own but nights of grief. Lying in bed, I wonder 'When will it be day?' Restlessly I fret till twilight falls...My eyes will never again see joy." If a person is not even spared this bitterness of the soul, then what is faith actually doing for him?[/i]

and Ratzinger responds:
It's quite proper to put this question, since if I am doing something, then it should have some point, some meaning. One wants to know: is this really right? Does it mean something, or is it really just self-deception? The question is only wrong if you look at everything there is solely from the point of view of [u]self[/u], on the principle of "What do I get out of it?" You are then seeing things from the perspective of a greed in relation to life as a whole, a perspective closed up within oneself, which prevents one understanding anything any more and will eventually ruin one's life.
Christ once said: Anyone who wants to save his life will lose it. And the only person who loses his life, who is ready to give it up, can manage to see things in true perspective and will thus find his life. That means that in the end I just have to drop the question as to what I get out of it. I have to learn to recognize that it is important to just let myself go. I have to be ready to give myself.

the questioner then says: [i]That's easy to say.[/i]

and Ratzinger responds:
But a part of every human love is that it is only truly great and enriching if I am ready to deny myself for this other person, to come out of myself, to give of myself. And that is certainly true of our relationship with God, out of which, in the end, all our other relationships must grow.
I must begin by no longer looking at [i]myself[/i], but by asking what [i]he[/i] wants. I must begin by learning to love. That consists precisely in turning my gaze away from myself and toward him. With this attitude I no longer ask, What can I get for myself, but I simply let myself be guided by him, truly lose myself in Christ; when I abandon myself, let go of myself, then I see, yes, life is right at last, because otherwise I am far too narrow for myself. When, so to speak, I go outside, then it truly begins, then life attains its greatness.
------
my point in posting this is thus: when you love someone, you do not go into the relationship thinking, "What can I get out of this?" but rather, "What can I do to please the other, to put them first?" So should our relationship with God be. Learn about God, through the Sacraments, study of the Bible, prayer and Adoration. I know you are doing these things, but [u]continue[/u] doing these things! When you love someone, you do not give up on them because times are tough, you persevere, you push through the hard times. Love is not selfish and expect quick fixes, love is durable and enduring.

I will include you in my daily and rosary intentions. Stay close to God, Ora, and don't give up!

[Winchester]

[quote name='OraProMe' date='12 January 2010 - 10:35 AM' timestamp='1263310549' post='2035349']
I've been trying to give my spiritual life another shot but it's really not working. I confess that I read people's comments here about how much they love God and the Church and get jealous. I think I want that too. But it hasn't been working. I quickly fall back into mortal sin after going to confession, most of my prayers seem hollow, I'm even starting to become bored in adoration and my love for the Mass seems to have been reduced to mere aestheticism, loving the chant and smells but that's about it. I could explain to you a lot about catholic doctrine but not tell you how much I believe it myself. When I look to the hierarchy I seem bipolar. I'm either annoyed at them for being too liberal in liturgical and doctrinal matters or feel alienated by their moral conservativism. I've been trying to think about my vocation but get no answers. I want to have a family but can't do that and remain Catholic. I wanted to become a priest when I was a kid but can't do that. I don't feel called to the monastic life. I'm just stuck with no direction as far as religion goes.

Help.
[/quote]
Have you considered being a snarky jackass? It's working for me.

[Laudate_Dominum]

[quote name='Winchester' date='12 January 2010 - 02:55 PM' timestamp='1263326125' post='2035524']
Have you considered being a snarky jackass? It's working for me.
[/quote]
I have seen the light!

[Ash Wednesday]

[quote name='Winchester' date='12 January 2010 - 02:55 PM' timestamp='1263326125' post='2035524']
Have you considered being a snarky jackass? It's working for me.
[/quote]

Indeed, I find that helps me a great deal, too.

[AccountDeleted]

Have you considered that you might be experiencing a state referred to as "acedia"? At its Greek root, the word means "absence of care". It means a kind of spiritual apathy that leads to spiritual sloth and is also known as the "noonday demon" because it seems to attack right in the middle of one's spiritual "day" (or the literal noonday in monasteries). It can cause one to feel loss of purpose or meaning and even on occasion, despair. In monastic life, this demon tries to lead the monk or nun into a feeling that nothing matters, that God doesn't want or care about the sacrifice they are making, and then tries to encourage them to abandon the spiritual fight.

There is an interesting book called "Acedia and Me" by Kathleen Norris, that might be of some help to you as it explains acedia in relation to depression. It is always hard to recommend books to others, because we all have different preferences as to writing style. If you are more of a scholar, then maybe you could read [i]The Greek Ascetic Corpus[/i] by Evagrius of Ponticus, (trans. Sinkewicz) or [i]The Praktikos and Chapters on Prayer[/i] (trans. Bamberger). There are several others, but the point is just to let you know that what you are going through is not unusual. The closer one gets to God (or the harder one tries to get close to God), the harder the Adversary works to prevent this. So you must be trying very hard!

Keep going to Confession every time you fall - nothing confers more grace than to confess our sins and ask for God's mercy. The harder it is for you, like climbing a mountain, the more tools you need. Don't do less, do more. Daily Mass if possible, Adoration, prayer (the Hours or other prayers), and most especially of all - the Holy Rosary - this is an amazing spiritual weapon and its power is beyond description. Our Blessed Mother is with us in this fight, so please don't give up. Talk to her. When I have a really tough time and for some reason just can't talk to Jesus, I turn to her and say "Blessed Mother, please tell Jesus that I have no wine." This is sort of a secret code between us, to say that I am empty inside and need help. He can refuse her nothing - we know this from the wedding at Cana. So invoke her help and intercession, and then open yourself up to the grace that is there. My prayers are with you at this time.

P.S. I just thought I would add a quote by Evagrius Ponticus (345-399) from [i]The Praktikos[/i] as a bit of encouragement...

[i]"No other demon falls close upon the heels of this one (when he is defeated) but only a state of deep peace and inexpressible joy arise out of this struggle."[/i]

Edited January 12, 2010 by nunsense

[Marie-Therese]

Ora, you know that I love you. I don't have much more to offer you in the way of sage advice beyond what the wise have already told you here: perseverance is key. However, as I am in the midst of my own struggles, I can sympathize. I am not doubting my faith...but I have suffered through some things that have made my spiritual life fall into serious disrepair. I know that it is at this precise time that I should pray MORE and not less, but it is a struggle. The urge to retreat into yourself is strong (at least it is for me, that is one of my personal struggles) but one of the Devil's strongest weapons is to separate you from your sources of strength, and chief among those is the Holy Church. She can sustain you in a way that no one else can replicate.

Annie...
[quote name='nunsense' date='12 January 2010 - 05:06 PM' timestamp='1263334000' post='2035586']
When I have a really tough time and for some reason just can't talk to Jesus, I turn to her and say "Blessed Mother, please tell Jesus that I have no wine." This is sort of a secret code between us, to say that I am empty inside and need help.
[/quote]

...this is beautiful and I am going to steal it. Such a simple thing, but very profound.

[Ed Normile]

[quote name='OraProMe' date='12 January 2010 - 10:35 AM' timestamp='1263310549' post='2035349']
I've been trying to give my spiritual life another shot but it's really not working. I confess that I read people's comments here about how much they love God and the Church and get jealous. I think I want that too. But it hasn't been working. I quickly fall back into mortal sin after going to confession, most of my prayers seem hollow, I'm even starting to become bored in adoration and my love for the Mass seems to have been reduced to mere aestheticism, loving the chant and smells but that's about it. I could explain to you a lot about catholic doctrine but not tell you how much I believe it myself. When I look to the hierarchy I seem bipolar. I'm either annoyed at them for being too liberal in liturgical and doctrinal matters or feel alienated by their moral conservativism. I've been trying to think about my vocation but get no answers. I want to have a family but can't do that and remain Catholic. I wanted to become a priest when I was a kid but can't do that. I don't feel called to the monastic life. I'm just stuck with no direction as far as religion goes.

Help.
[/quote]

You know you sound like many of the saints I have read of, you sound very human. Keep in mind the parable of the good shepherd, also the prodigal son, you can never get so far away that God will not take you back.

ed

[OraProMe]

Thanks everyone

[Saint Therese]

The important thing is not that you sin, but that you ask for forgiveness. The spiritual life is all about putting off the old man and putting on the new, so of course it will be difficult and even painful. Expect to make mistakes, fail sometimes, and even backslide. Just don't give up.
1- Pray, every day, no matter what. 2- Go to Mass as often as possible. Try to go to every day if you can. 3- Go to confession at least every couple of weeks even if you didn't commit a mortal sin.

Also I can't recommend praying the Rosary strongly enough.

[The Bus Station]

[quote name='Saint Therese' date='13 January 2010 - 11:36 AM' timestamp='1263400571' post='2036169']

Also I can't recommend praying the Rosary strongly enough.
[/quote]



Cling to Our Lady! You have my prayers brother.

[tinytherese]

I think that everyone goes through something like this Ora. Some times are better than others, but we are still tested none the less. I agree with MCTS that a spiritual director would be someone to invest in. Are there any religious communities around that you would feel comfortable talking about these things? Perhaps sending a letter to a community, not for discerning with them, but asking for their guidance and prayers could be helpful. Have you talked with your parish priest or anyone at your parish about this? You might also benefit from attending a prayer group or Bible study. I know that in my Bible study that we were free to talk about our own personal spiritual lives and to share our struggles.

I also have some book suggestions.

True Devotion to Mary

The Story of a Soul

Mother Angelica's Little Book of Life Lessons and Everyday Spirituality

Edited January 13, 2010 by tinytherese

[Nihil Obstat]

Mother Teresa's Come Be My Light is superb. This must be the twentieth time I've recommended it on Phatmass. No theology in it. Just pure, graceful faith.