Best Time To Talk To Parents?

[TotusTuusMaria]

I regret telling my parents so soon that I was even considering it when no definite plans had been made or I honestly had no idea where God was calling me, simply a belief that I was called to religious life. It has caused them pain that they didn't have to endure during these years when I have been discerning. Like many others said, if I could do it over again I would wait until I was more sure of the community and with firm intentions of applying or had already applied.

For my parents, the thought was (and is) very painful for them.

As for how to tell them... I don't remember actually sitting them down and telling them that I was discerning. I mentioned it in a positive light and was asked, and I answered that I was.

If they didn't know already and I was just telling them I would just mention it to them when we were together somewhere. "Mom - Dad, for some time I have been seriously considering religious life and will be applying (hope to apply). I believe God is calling me, and I would like your blessing."

And it doesn't have to be dramatic...

Many prayers for you. It's tough.

Edited December 31, 2009 by TotusTuusMaria

[Saint Therese]

I don't think there's any hard and fast rules. I think it all depends on the kind of relationships you have with family, where you are in discernment, etc. I would imagine this might be a topic of more concern to the younger discerners.

Edited December 31, 2009 by Saint Therese

[TeresaBenedicta]

[quote name='FSM Sister' date='30 December 2009 - 11:47 PM' timestamp='1262231242' post='2027753']
I'm gathering from your posts that you are in school, so it wouldn't be hard to imagine that if your parents are paying for this, they will be a bit taken back by your news! Of course, I have no idea if this is the case, or if you are on scholarship, or what have you.

I told my parents when I was 16 (senior year) and they tried to talk me into going to college first. They offered to loan me the money (for State college) and said I could live at home for free. They also told me what I could major in. Even at 16, though, I figured out that if I were to take them up on their offer, it would take four years to finish school and probably another four to work and pay them back. Basically, they were stalling... hoping I'd change my mind. I did not, and entered as a candidate at 17.
[/quote]

Yes, I'm a senior in college, quickly approaching graduation this May. And my parents have been helping with school, though there has also been a mixture of student loans and scholarships mixed in there (the joys and expenses of going to a private institution), so money will be an issue. I believe the student loans are in both my name and my mother's name. So, that's possibly a difficulty as well.

I've tried not to "hide" my discernment, especially in the past few months. Granted, I'm away at school most of the year, so it's not as though they physically see it. But I make a point to talk about when I go to convents and to talk positively about my experiences. I try to make some things fairly obvious. Even going so far as to bate my parents into saying something... but I think they know, and are therefore refusing to say something until I come straight out and say it.

[Muus]

The best time to talk to your parents is almost never.

You can better say it immediately because a good time will be hard to find. You can gauge it by the first one to tell your parents (with whom you can best get along) and then later to tell you both. So I did.

I told my parents last summer and they were shocked. Now, six months later, they still not understand and yet they respect my decision, however difficult it is. About nine weeks starts the adventure.

[TeresaBenedicta]

I had a surprisingly positive conversation with my dad last night. I don't remember all of the conversation, mostly because I was attempting to keep myself composed (it was difficult to keep the tears back). But, it was very, very positive.

I asked my dad if he would be proud of me if I did something like become a religious sister. He said that he always knew I had a big heart and that I wanted to help people... He said that if it made me happy, then he would be proud of me. To do what I thought would make me happy.

I asked if mom would be proud of me... and he said, "You know sweetie, your mom and I have seen this coming for a few years now..." He didn't really say a whole lot of what her thoughts on it are, but it seems that they've talked about it before and that my very obvious hints were observed by the two of them.

Now I just need to talk with my mom. I'm sure it will be a little bit more difficult for her. But I am [i]very[/i] encouraged by the conversation I had with my dad.

[tnavarro61]

i am so touched.. my heart is deeply moved. God bless your journey!

[Archaeology cat]

Glad to hear the talk with your dad went well. I'll say a prayer for you, too.

[elizabeth09]

[quote name='TotusTuusMaria' date='31 December 2009 - 09:02 AM' timestamp='1262271771' post='2027811']
I regret telling my parents so soon that I was even considering it when no definite plans had been made or I honestly had no idea where God was calling me, simply a belief that I was called to religious life. It has caused them pain that they didn't have to endure during these years when I have been discerning. Like many others said, if I could do it over again I would wait until I was more sure of the community and with firm intentions of applying or had already applied.

For my parents, the thought was (and is) very painful for them.

As for how to tell them... I don't remember actually sitting them down and telling them that I was discerning. I mentioned it in a positive light and was asked, and I answered that I was.

If they didn't know already and I was just telling them I would just mention it to them when we were together somewhere. "Mom - Dad, for some time I have been seriously considering religious life and will be applying (hope to apply). I believe God is calling me, and I would like your blessing."

And it doesn't have to be dramatic...

Many prayers for you. It's tough.
[/quote]

It`s tough, because they may thought that you will get married someday. I mean that you might be still dating someone, and still be talking about marriage.

[Jennifer G.]

I haven't told my parents (former Catholics more or less - if you count one being baptized Catholic) since I haven't officially started anything yet. I'm not even sure myself (but it looks like it could be heading that way). I think my mom does have an inkling. She will drop little hints that she knows like when we were ironing clothes, she was showing me how my great-grandmother did things and she said, "Now you'll have something to teach the sisters when you join the convent". The very first thing my mom said after we came home from the Easter Vigil after I converted was, "Are you going to become a nun?". I think she knew before I even knew...

I'm going on 33 in 1 month, so I'll have to make a decision soon... and yes, I do have a spiritual director.

Edited January 2, 2010 by Jennifer G.

[FSM Sister]

[quote name='Jennifer G.' date='01 January 2010 - 11:30 PM' timestamp='1262406607' post='2028401']
I haven't told my parents (former Catholics more or less - if you count one being baptized Catholic) since I haven't officially started anything yet. I'm not even sure myself (but it looks like it could be heading that way). I think my mom does have an inkling. She will drop little hints that she knows like when we were ironing clothes, she was showing me how my great-grandmother did things and she said, "Now you'll have something to teach the sisters when you join the convent". The very first thing my mom said after we came home from the Easter Vigil after I converted was, "Are you going to become a nun?". I think she knew before I even knew...

I'm going on 33 in 1 month, so I'll have to make a decision soon... and yes, I do have a spiritual director.
[/quote]


Jennifer - Whooo hoooo! Good for you! I am rejoicing with you.

[brightsadness]

[quote name='TeresaBenedicta' date='01 January 2010 - 03:52 AM' timestamp='1262343142' post='2028068']
I had a surprisingly positive conversation with my dad last night. I don't remember all of the conversation, mostly because I was attempting to keep myself composed (it was difficult to keep the tears back). But, it was very, very positive.

I asked my dad if he would be proud of me if I did something like become a religious sister. He said that he always knew I had a big heart and that I wanted to help people... He said that if it made me happy, then he would be proud of me. To do what I thought would make me happy.

I asked if mom would be proud of me... and he said, "You know sweetie, your mom and I have seen this coming for a few years now..." He didn't really say a whole lot of what her thoughts on it are, but it seems that they've talked about it before and that my very obvious hints were observed by the two of them.

Now I just need to talk with my mom. I'm sure it will be a little bit more difficult for her. But I am [i]very[/i] encouraged by the conversation I had with my dad.
[/quote]


Wonderful !![img]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/public/style_emoticons/default/clap.gif[/img]

[vee]

[quote name='Jennifer G.' date='01 January 2010 - 11:30 PM' timestamp='1262406607' post='2028401']
I think my mom does have an inkling. She will drop little hints that she knows like when we were ironing clothes, she was showing me how my great-grandmother did things and she said, "Now you'll have something to teach the sisters when you join the convent". The very first thing my mom said after we came home from the Easter Vigil after I converted was, "Are you going to become a nun?". I think she knew before I even knew...

[/quote]

Sounds like God might have been using her to throw little pebbles at you to get your attention! My mom never said anything to me or my sister that we should consider being nuns however she would occasionally suggest to my brother that he should become a priest. It was more out of her own wish for him and not actually seeing the signs of a real vocation but who knows he might become one yet as he`s only 22. It was because of her openness to the idea of my brother being a priest that I thought she would be the same way with my possible call and she was. With your mom dropping hints like that it certainly sounds like a good sign.

[vee]

[quote name='TeresaBenedicta' date='01 January 2010 - 05:52 AM' timestamp='1262343142' post='2028068']
I had a surprisingly positive conversation with my dad last night. I don't remember all of the conversation, mostly because I was attempting to keep myself composed (it was difficult to keep the tears back). But, it was very, very positive.


Now I just need to talk with my mom. I'm sure it will be a little bit more difficult for her. But I am [i]very[/i] encouraged by the conversation I had with my dad.
[/quote]

Thats wonderful and I`ll pray that things go well with your mom too.

[TradMom]

+Praised Be Jesus Christ!

Dear Teresa Benedicta,

I KNOW this can be very difficult for you as I have met many women (of all ages) who have struggled with "breaking the news" - it is a change, and it can be scary. It sounds like the Holy Spirit is caring for you very gently at this time so I am confident all will be well (to borrow Julian of Norwich's quote!). The only suggestion I have is to remind your parents how MUCH time you have between entering and making your final/solemn/perpetual vows. No other state of life (save that of the priesthood) gives one so much time to decide if this particular path is really the right one. Good luck!

Pax,

TradMom

[Totus Tuus]

You know, we could all share our stories, but when it comes down to it you just have to follow your heart. I never officially told my parents, because they were a part of the process the whole way through so I never had to. Deciding the entrance date when I was 17 was the hardest part, because I entered right after turning 18 and that was really hard for them but they very generously did nothing to stop me and supported me the whole way. In my experience talking to people whose parents were opposed, "sticking to your guns," as you put it, seems to be the best course of action.