Best Time To Talk To Parents?

[TeresaBenedicta]

I'm wondering if any of you all have any advice or can share their own experience about talking with their parents about their vocation. When is the best time to speak with them?

I think my parents (both non-catholic, by the way) have an idea that I am thinking about it. I've tried to make it obvious, trying not to hide it from them completely. I've talked about visits I've made to different convents and staying over with sisters (although it's never been under the context of discernment-- always with something else) and I talk as positively as I can about my experiences. I can't imagine that the thought has yet to go through their head that it's something I'm interested in...

But I'm at the point now where I know that I am called and I know where... I've made an official visit and the only step I have left is to apply.

I can't decide if I should talk to my parents before or after applying. I would like to at least have the abstract out in the open, concretely said. You know, to actually have it said out loud that being a sister is a possibility for me. Then I could gage their reaction to that...

I mean, barring a great intervention by God, my parents aren't going to be supportive. Right now I'm home on Christmas vacation, and I really don't want to ruin our time together. At the same time... I want them to know, at the very very least in the abstract (although, like I said, I think they already do have some idea of this).

How did you guys talk to your parents? What's the best way to go about it? When?

[Indwelling Trinity]

[quote name='TeresaBenedicta' date='27 December 2009 - 06:33 PM' timestamp='1261953227' post='2026627']
I'm wondering if any of you all have any advice or can share their own experience about talking with their parents about their vocation. When is the best time to speak with them?

I think my parents (both non-catholic, by the way) have an idea that I am thinking about it. I've tried to make it obvious, trying not to hide it from them completely. I've talked about visits I've made to different convents and staying over with sisters (although it's never been under the context of discernment-- always with something else) and I talk as positively as I can about my experiences. I can't imagine that the thought has yet to go through their head that it's something I'm interested in...

But I'm at the point now where I know that I am called and I know where... I've made an official visit and the only step I have left is to apply.

I can't decide if I should talk to my parents before or after applying. I would like to at least have the abstract out in the open, concretely said. You know, to actually have it said out loud that being a sister is a possibility for me. Then I could gage their reaction to that...

I mean, barring a great intervention by God, my parents aren't going to be supportive. Right now I'm home on Christmas vacation, and I really don't want to ruin our time together. At the same time... I want them to know, at the very very least in the abstract (although, like I said, I think they already do have some idea of this).

How did you guys talk to your parents? What's the best way to go about it? When?
[/quote]


I was 18 when i told my parents I was entering The Missionaries of Charity. They were both Catholic and knew i wanted to be a nun. However when it came down to the line, they exploded! There was no easy way for me to tell them. I just had to calmly stick to my guns. They tried to get me out and so my superiors sent me to Europe to complete my formation.

What ever happens keep your faith in your decision to serve God. Jesus tells us we must forsake all to follow Him. Now 35 years later... my parents are happy and cannot see me as being anything else, but it took years. The blessings were far better than the sacrifice I made in leaving family and homeland! God will not be outdone in love!

Tenderly,

Indwelling Trinity

[organwerke]

[quote name='Indwelling Trinity' date='28 December 2009 - 12:44 AM' timestamp='1261953859' post='2026634']
I was 18 when i told my parents I was entering The Missionaries of Charity.
Tenderly,

[/quote]

Did you apply the Missionaries of Charity founded by mother Therese of Calcutta?

[Indwelling Trinity]

[quote name='organwerke' date='27 December 2009 - 06:49 PM' timestamp='1261954160' post='2026637']
Did you apply the Missionaries of Charity founded by mother Therese of Calcutta?
[/quote]

Yes I was a professed member before being given permission by Mother to transfer to the Carmelite Order at my request after discerning for many years.

Tenderly,

Indwelling Trinity

[organwerke]

Oh , thank you!
Yes, in fact I've just read the experience you wrote in the thread about "religious habit"!
Wow, I really love the Missionaries of Charity but what I often ask to myself is how a person understand the place where the Lord is calling her, especially I am a little puzzled but I really admire those nuns who have a "voaction in the vocation": I think this is a great mistery that goes over our minds!

[vee]

[quote]How did you guys talk to your parents? What's the best way to go about it? When?[/quote]

I told my Mom shortly after I started discerning for two reasons. One she is a practising Catholic and I needed her prayers, and she has been very understanding. The other reason I told her when I did is I prayed about it and said to the Lord if Mom phones me I will tell her because due to schedules etc Im the one who usually calls her. She then phoned me two times within several days but I chickened out and didnt tell her at that time but had to call her back. Im not sure how or when I will tell my other family members if things progess to that point.

Mother Angelica wrote her Mom a letter and left it for her to read after she had already departed to enter the convent, so while you might not want to wait until your entrance day you might consider a letter as an easier way to tell them.

[Thomist-in-Training]

This is just hard. In making notes for a possible talk which never happened, I thought about this... basically. most parents, even Catholic parents, even parents that you think of as good Catholic parents, aren't happy. Judging from my experience, what I've read here, in the lives of the Saints, from talking to Sisters. So you just have to pick some time and expect the worst. I told my parents quite early on the first time I was thinking about it, before I had anywhere in particular in mind, and they got very angry and I didn't end up thinking seriously about religion again for another year... which was not followed up for another six months or so... but that was a period of my life before I had much Catholic formation or strength of character, also. Basically I was naive and assumed they would be happy.

[i]Tentatively[/i] then I would suggest waiting until after you apply and hear back from the Sisters, so that it is a fait accompli and there is less chance of their convincing you to put off applying, etc., and they realize how serious you are, but I don't know you at all, or your parents, so you should think about your knowledge of your parents--how old you are and where you are in school or work is a factor, are you hoping to go in the middle? right after finishing? or you are living alone and have been working for a while? it's different. Etc. And pray. I would say obviously, but actually I have often had a tendency to separate religious life from prayer!...

This article helped me understand a bit of how one's parents feel. I recommend it: http://catholicexchange.com/2009/02/09/115309/ Like this detail:

[quote]As much as I complained about shopping when my daughter was younger, I miss the fact that I don’t buy her clothes anymore. Her clothes are given to her and while I contribute to the costs of these through our donations, I don’t have the small pleasure of seeing a sweater that I know she would look great in and sending it to her “just because”. It is a silly thing I know, but one I take to prayer regularly.[/quote]

[elizabeth09]

If I was you, I will tell them after you put in the apply, and then tell then why you did that. I may tell my godparents and other family member after I apply. I am willing to do God`s will for me.

[Sr Marianne]

[quote name='TeresaBenedicta' date='27 December 2009 - 11:33 PM' timestamp='1261953227' post='2026627']
I'm wondering if any of you all have any advice or can share their own experience about talking with their parents about their vocation. When is the best time to speak with them?

I think my parents (both non-catholic, by the way) have an idea that I am thinking about it. I've tried to make it obvious, trying not to hide it from them completely. I've talked about visits I've made to different convents and staying over with sisters (although it's never been under the context of discernment-- always with something else) and I talk as positively as I can about my experiences. I can't imagine that the thought has yet to go through their head that it's something I'm interested in...

But I'm at the point now where I know that I am called and I know where... I've made an official visit and the only step I have left is to apply.

I can't decide if I should talk to my parents before or after applying. I would like to at least have the abstract out in the open, concretely said. You know, to actually have it said out loud that being a sister is a possibility for me. Then I could gage their reaction to that...

I mean, barring a great intervention by God, my parents aren't going to be supportive. Right now I'm home on Christmas vacation, and I really don't want to ruin our time together. At the same time... I want them to know, at the very very least in the abstract (although, like I said, I think they already do have some idea of this).

How did you guys talk to your parents? What's the best way to go about it? When?
[/quote]

Your parents must be aware of how important your religious journey is - since you took the step to become a Catholic, and the step to visit convents. Age might be a consideration, but as you have left home I guess you are not too young. My advice is to talk to your parents now. Let them in on your heart - they love you after all! I think it would not be good to just inform them after the decision has been made - like announcing an engagement to a guy they never even knew you were dating.
Letting my parents know of my discernment enabled them to ask questions and to visit the sisters and get to know them before I applied was great for the whole family. I was 16 when my parents and 5 younger siblings visited the sisters - it let them know who the sisters were and what the convent was like. I entered at 19. Talk to them about it. If they are upset ask the convent if they can visit and talk to the sisters.
Sr Marianne

[TeresaBenedicta]

Thanks, everyone, for your advice.

I'm still not sure what I'm going to do... My intentions are to apply here shortly and to enter sometime after graduation (this coming May). I'm home on Christmas break now and go back to university in a few weeks.

I really would like to have the general conversation with them sometime before I leave, because that could potentially be the worse of the two (the other being: I'm going to enter and here's the place). And there's little they can do to discourage my vocation once I go back to school, considering it's very far from home. But I don't even know how to have that conversation. I've been praying for the Holy Spirit to guide me, to guide my words, but... I have a feeling it's going to have to be something that I have to intentionally bring up-- it's not going to be something I can slip in smoothly amidst other conversation, though I wish it were.

I love my parents dearly and I know that they love me and just want me to be happy. But things didn't go over very well when I became Catholic three years ago at 18 and had to have that conversation with them. So, needless to say, it terrifies me to have this one.

[melporcristo]

[quote name='Indwelling Trinity' date='27 December 2009 - 03:44 PM' timestamp='1261953859' post='2026634']
I was 18 when i told my parents I was entering The Missionaries of Charity. They were both Catholic and knew i wanted to be a nun. However when it came down to the line, they exploded! There was no easy way for me to tell them. I just had to calmly stick to my guns. They tried to get me out and so my superiors sent me to Europe to complete my formation.

What ever happens keep your faith in your decision to serve God. Jesus tells us we must forsake all to follow Him. Now 35 years later... my parents are happy and cannot see me as being anything else, but it took years. The blessings were far better than the sacrifice I made in leaving family and homeland! God will not be outdone in love!

Tenderly,

Indwelling Trinity
[/quote]

Ok I'm sorry ... but you're in the MC's?!??

[Indwelling Trinity]

[quote name='melporcristo' date='29 December 2009 - 02:12 AM' timestamp='1262067127' post='2027170']
Ok I'm sorry ... but you're in the MC's?!??
[/quote]


I was a professed Missioanery of Charity years ago but became a Carmelite with Mother Teresa's permission. I now live as a Carmelite hermit for the last seven years.

Tenderly,

Indwelling Trinity

[EAnn246]

[quote name='vee8' date='27 December 2009 - 08:37 PM' timestamp='1261964266' post='2026700']
Mother Angelica wrote her Mom a letter and left it for her to read after she had already departed to enter the convent, so while you might not want to wait until your entrance day you might consider a letter as an easier way to tell them.
[/quote]


My aunt told me that when she had decided to enter the convent, she couldn't find a way to tell her mother (my grandmother) so she left a note for her on her pillow one night. (It wasn't the night she left).

That kind of made me think that she knows that I'm discerning, but I haven't told her or my dad or brother. (I don't live with my mother and I have no idea how I'll tell her). I don't know how or when I'll break the news to them.

[elizabeth09]

[quote name='TeresaBenedicta' date='28 December 2009 - 04:19 PM' timestamp='1262038766' post='2026974']
Thanks, everyone, for your advice.

I'm still not sure what I'm going to do... My intentions are to apply here shortly and to enter sometime after graduation (this coming May). I'm home on Christmas break now and go back to university in a few weeks.

I really would like to have the general conversation with them sometime before I leave, because that could potentially be the worse of the two (the other being: I'm going to enter and here's the place). And there's little they can do to discourage my vocation once I go back to school, considering it's very far from home. But I don't even know how to have that conversation. I've been praying for the Holy Spirit to guide me, to guide my words, but... I have a feeling it's going to have to be something that I have to intentionally bring up-- it's not going to be something I can slip in smoothly amidst other conversation, though I wish it were.

I love my parents dearly and I know that they love me and just want me to be happy. But things didn't go over very well when I became Catholic three years ago at 18 and had to have that conversation with them. So, needless to say, it terrifies me to have this one.
[/quote]


You welcome.

[FSM Sister]

I'm gathering from your posts that you are in school, so it wouldn't be hard to imagine that if your parents are paying for this, they will be a bit taken back by your news! Of course, I have no idea if this is the case, or if you are on scholarship, or what have you.

I told my parents when I was 16 (senior year) and they tried to talk me into going to college first. They offered to loan me the money (for State college) and said I could live at home for free. They also told me what I could major in. Even at 16, though, I figured out that if I were to take them up on their offer, it would take four years to finish school and probably another four to work and pay them back. Basically, they were stalling... hoping I'd change my mind. I did not, and entered as a candidate at 17.