How Do I Get Back To My Old Faith?

[Aragon]

Hi everyone, 

 

I have a bit of a tricky question and I'd be really interested in hearing your thoughts. Background: convert, 23 year old male, felt called to religious life for quite a while, Catholic for four years but have spent most of 2014 on the fringes of the Church. Never left but only went to Mass every few weeks and fell into sins against chastity quite often.

 

I used to be completely gun-ho passionate traditionalist, but I think a couple of experiences with people both inside and outside the Church taught me that life really isn't that black and white. Now I'm in this awkward situation where I love Christ and i want to serve Him and His Church, but there's also so much about the Church that disturbs me. I really want to fix this but I don't know how without ignoring my conscience. I'm also in a relationship where my gf isn't Catholic, so that's going to create a few issues that I have no idea how to deal with.

 

I still feel called to religious life and there are a few orders I'm very interested in, but I know I really need to sort my life out first. I never left the Church or gave up my core beliefs, a lot of stuff just happened (on the human side of the Church) to put me off for a while. I want to sort my stuff out and get back into living a good life though. Is it stupid to be considering religious life when I still struggle in my relationship with the Church?

I'm thinking that if I enter it would be in August of 2016, so that gives me quite a while to sort my stuff out. The thing is there are still aspects of the Church I find hard to accept but I want to sort this out. I've secured a graduate job for 2015 which will keep me busy, but I'm wondering how i should spend next year discerning if I still have a few issues in my relationship with the Church? I've gone to confession a few times to try to 'begin again' but the same issues and problems just keep resurfacing: I'm in a relationship with someone who isn't religious which I can't bring myself to end, I disagree with some of the Church's moral teachings even though I want to respect Her authority, and the increased tendency to reduce Catholic Social Teaching down to opposing SSM and abortion among my generation of Catholics drives me up the wall. What do I do?

Edited September 21, 2014 by Aragon

[Lilllabettt]

 

the increased tendency to reduce Catholic Social Teaching down to opposing SSM and abortion among my generation of Catholics drives me up the wall. What do I do?

 

 

 

Perhaps you need to mix in wider circles. Try mainstream non-traddy life. I don't know any Catholics in their twenties who reduce Catholic social teaching to same sex marriage and abortion. Actually in my experience its usually non-Catholics or dissidents who try that as a way of criticizing the Church's stand on these issues.

[Basilisa Marie]

Welcome back to the struggle. :)  It sounds to me like you experienced a lot of new convert zeal. Which while being a wonderful grace when you're joining the Church, tends to lead to burn out if it's not supported with a regular and moderate Christian life. Luckily for us, conversion is an ongoing process, and doesn't really end until you die. 

 

I think you might be too focused on the future. It sounds like you have plenty of issues to deal with right now, and it would serve your future plans well to get those ironed out first. What's the rush to enter religious life? There could be a genuine call there, or it might be a call to a deeper relationship with Christ. You're not wrong to consider it, but make sure your main focus is getting your prayer life back on track. It's a lot harder to discern without a regular prayer life. And setting a date for entering seems a whole lot like putting the cart before the horse. 

 

Your girlfriend not being Catholic isn't necessarily a huge problem. But is she open and encouraging to you in your faith? That's important.  Can you see yourself marrying her? Do you know yet? 

Are you involved in your local church or Catholic community? Have a good support system will do wonders. 

[chrysostom]

It doesn't sound like you have a spiritual director from what you said, I may be wrong of course.  But if you don't, that's probably one of the best things you can do.

 

If you live around Sydney or Melbourne, Opus Dei has some centres there.  http://opusdei.org.au/en-au/article/centres-in-australia/  Wherever I move I try to find an Opus Dei priest as an SD, they're always very good and well-trained, whether you are looking at religious life or just trying to love God they will help you approach it step by humble step.  They also tend to be more available for direction since they do not have the demands of a parish and giving one-on-one spiritual direction is a large part of their apostolate if I am not mistaken. If OD is not around where you live, of course there are many other good priests and some of our Australian PMers might be able to help you look for some.

 

For me, as a single person who has not made a lifelong commitment yet - whether that be to marriage or to religious life - I find a having spiritual director especially necessary because it gives me someone to be obedient to, i.e. an opportunity to practise the virtue of obedience, which is pleasing to God.

[Luigi]

Life is not black and white. Right. find the person or persons who taught you that lesson, and thank her, him, or them. 

 

 

 

 

So you're not perfect. You never will be. You already knew that. 

 

The Church is not perfect. It never will be. Now you know that. You don't have to fix it - before you enter or after.

 

Religious life, if you enter, will not be perfect either. I hope you know that. 

 

And you don't have to be sort out all your stuff before you go into religious life. The Benedictines - and others, I assume - think of religious life as a school of charity; it's where you learn to develop and apply the virtues, under supervision, following some pretty well-established guidelines. So you should be able to sort out some of your stuff after you're in.  

 

On the other hand, I don't think any religious order will accept you unless you're doing at least what the Church requires - Mass on Sundays and holy days of obligation, and chastity (most orders have a guideline such as "no sexual activity for three years"). Most orders also want to see a pattern of involvement in ministry at your local parish or diocese. 

 

Have you talked to anybody IN religious life about this stuff? 

 

 

 

 

[Lady-Indis]

Praying for you! :) God's will be done.  :nun:

[truthfinder]

While your working out your difficulties with the faith, and thinking about religious life, be very careful about being honest about this with your girlfriend.  Honestly, I would suggest not continuing a relationship or discerning religious life until you know where you really stand.  And honestly, no girl wants to be strung along by a guy who then enters a seminary. 

 

Best of luck to you! and see you around the phorum - you might want to visit the vocation station.

[Gabriela]

I have to agree with TruthFinder: The relationship is an obstacle to you finding out where you really stand.

 

Other than that: Get yourself to Adoration. You can think about these things all you want, and talk to people, but until you really start nurturing a personal relationship with Jesus, you're not going to get anywhere worth going.

[blazeingstar]

You can't ever "go back".  Life is linear.

 

However, you can develop a greater sense of maturity and understanding as to why something would happen and why the Church would decide that way.  You can develop a better sense of community and understanding of your fellow neighbor, you can doctrinally understand.

 

Time allows us a wonderful benefit, growth.  This is something the Angles and those in Heaven cannot do.  They are outside of time, fully perfected.  Their faith remains the same.  However, we are offered the chance to grow and develop, giving our faith new flavors and tastes all the time.  We are not called to go back, but put on a new armor.  (I forget what Bible verse that is, but it is one).

[Amppax]

I'd agree with all of the above, but add my own advice: start small in building up your spiritual life. Develop a consistent prayer life, but don't try to do it all at once. Pick one priority (like getting to Sunday Mass) and work on that for a while.  Slowly add things back in. Trying to do too much at once often backfires, and can push you even further off track. That at least has been my experience. 

 

In regards to sins against chastity, one of the best resources I've ever found is this book http://www.amazon.com/Clean-Heart-Overcoming-Habitual-against/dp/0977223450. It was recommended to me by my spiritual director, and has really helped me. One devotion from it that I've found particularly helpful is the practice of saying 3 Hail Mary's for purity when I wake up and before I go to bed. A great explanation of this devotion is found here. 

 

As far as intellectual difficulties with the teachings of the Church, my suggestion would be to pray for deeper understanding. Maybe avoid those issues for a time, and instead pray. You mentioned problems with the human aspects of the Church. Pray for them, and for understanding. 

 

As far as the Catholic Social Teaching, I hear you. Although, in my experience, those that talk about CST tend to go towards an opposite extreme. I'd love to find others who cared about the whole picture, instead of conforming their theology to American politics. But I'm an idealist, which is part of my problem. 

 

PS: Feel free to PM me, if you need anyone to talk to about this, and know that you'll be in my prayers. 

[Aragon]

Thanks all.

 

To answer some questions:

I probably do need to mix in wider circles. I've been trying to make more Catholic friends and that seems to be going well. I think I'll start volunteering soon.

I don't have a spiritual director at the moment. I'll try Opus Dei. I've had some very minimal experience with them and they seem great.

 

I still don't know what to do about the relationship. To answer your question BM, let's just say she has made it pretty clear she doesn't want more than two children......so I guess I can't imagine myself being married to her and a proper Catholic. She's not aggressively anti-Catholic but she hasn't shown much support or interest either.

 

Thank you for your prayers everyone.

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

 

I've gone to confession a few times to try to 'begin again' but the same issues and problems just keep resurfacing:

 

A few times over 4 years probably isn't enough if you keep on sinning, Go everytime, even if your going once a week. I struggled real bad with a particular sin for numerous years and was actually very blessed to be near an fssp parish that had confession before mass every day except sunday, i was in there sometimes 3 times a week. Hope that helps. God bless you bro.

 

Jesus iz LORD!

 

P.s. Oh and according to holy scripture we can marry outside of the bretheren but must hope till the day we die the partner converts, something like that anyway. And sacred tradition states if we marry a non catholic that he or she must agree to the children being baptised and confirmed and being raised catholic. And we all struggle with our faith in God and his church at times, but also remembering the church is not infallible but Jesus is, though the holy magesterium has the authority to teach us on matters of faith and morals, sometimes infallibly and sometimes they don't exercise that infallibility like with abortion because it really is blatently obviouse.