AccountDeleted Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 I don't know how many phatmassers have already walked the pilgrim way of El Camino de Santiago de Compostela but if you have, it would be lovely to hear about it in the next day or two as I am just about to embark on the pilgrimage myself. Recently I was told that I was not going to be accepted for membership and clothing in the habit of the Carmelite community where I have been living for the past five months. As anyone who has been rejected can attest, it stings like hell. Call it wounded pride or self-will, call it simply loss and hurt, whatever your take on the picture, the fact of the matter is that a person has to grieve for the loss of their dream whenever a relationship of any kind fails to progress. For myself, the first week outside the monastery was the hardest, and the second only marginally better but slowly I am seeing the hand of Providence in everything. Feeling that my dreams for religious life were now at an end and without any idea what to do next, I wondered whether I should go on retreat somewhere and sent out a few emails to retreat houses. Then the Holy Spirit planted the seed of desire in my heart to go on a pilgrimage, and placed in front of me both the means and the opportunity to do so. I hope it will be a journey of both spiritual discovery and healing. Tomorrow I will turn 61 and this Thursday I will be leaving England for France, where I will start walking from St Jean Pied de Port. The Camino Frances (the French Way aka Le Chemin de St Jacques) is the most popular of all the Camino routes to Santiago de Compostela in North West Spain. This Camino starts on the French side of the Pyrenees and finishes about 780km later in Santiago. So hopefully after 6-8 weeks of walking El Camino (it usually takes most people 4 weeks but I am neither young not particularly fit) I will arrive in Santiago de Compostela at the Cathedral of St James (where it is said that St James is buried), and then probably go on to the End of the World (Finisterre) by bus just to say I did it. Everything I own in the world will be in my backpack - which means that all my material possessions equal approximately 1/10 of my body weight - not too many people can say that! :) I am no longer a nun, but I am definitely a pilgrim. I know that the phatmass phamily have been my friends throughout the years and I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. Gods ways are not our ways, God's thoughts are not our thoughts. We either trust Him or we don't. I have had my share of self-pity and/or self-loathing over the past six years of discernment, but I know that nothing means more to me in this life than Jesus, and as long as I am able to love Him and have my faith, I consider myself well blessed indeed. I do ask for your prayers, that I always remain a daughter of the Church, and always live in the love of God. I will certainly carry all phatmassers in my heart over the next two months as I walk and pray - and I will try to post from time to time when circumstances permit and it seems appropriate. I won't be answering personal emails because I have too much to do before I leave, so please don't be offended if you write and don't hear back from me. When this journey is over, I will see about connecting with online friends again. Esperemos por un buen camino! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigJon16 Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 Buen camino! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Era Might Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 I think the pilgrimage alone is worth not getting accepted into the community. A once in a lifetime opportunity. And from what I read, bring some good walking shoes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AccountDeleted Posted June 15, 2013 Author Share Posted June 15, 2013 I think the pilgrimage alone is worth not getting accepted into the community. A once in a lifetime opportunity. And from what I read, bring some good walking shoes. Well they do say that He doesn't close a door without opening a window! :) I have wanted to do this for a long time but never had the resources or the time, but finding myself in Europe with both - well, God's ways are mysterious! I have good shoes, a great pack and a lightweight sleeping bag. I have read countless Camino blogs and watched endless Camino YouTube videos. Research is my middle name. We are green for go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VeniJesuAmorMi Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 Will be keeping you in prayer. What a great blessing from Our Lord to you, to be able to do this and at this point in your journey to Him. It will be a wonderful experience. God bless you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sister Marie Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 I wish I could send this through PM but yours isn't working... don't feel you have to respond... just wanted to send my love! Dear Nunsense, I know you won't be responding but I wanted to send you my loving prayers. I have been following your journey since I was a novice. I am praying for you and thank you for all the wisdom, strength, and determination you have shown over the past years. I can never express to you what you did for me through the very difficult times in my own formation journey. I hope you are alright. I'm sure this has been a difficult time. I hope that if you need anything you send a message. Thank you for the gift of your words and presence in my life. You probably have no idea how much you have helped so many. Prayers, (Sr.) Marie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AccountDeleted Posted June 16, 2013 Author Share Posted June 16, 2013 I wish I could send this through PM but yours isn't working... don't feel you have to respond... just wanted to send my love! Dear Nunsense, I know you won't be responding but I wanted to send you my loving prayers. I have been following your journey since I was a novice. I am praying for you and thank you for all the wisdom, strength, and determination you have shown over the past years. I can never express to you what you did for me through the very difficult times in my own formation journey. I hope you are alright. I'm sure this has been a difficult time. I hope that if you need anything you send a message. Thank you for the gift of your words and presence in my life. You probably have no idea how much you have helped so many. Prayers, (Sr.) Marie Dear Sr Marie - Thank you so much for your prayers and for the kind words. It is nice to hear that my life might have been an occasion of help to some people. When I wrote my blogs, that was my hope and intention, but so much of what we do in this life is hidden work in that we often never know what impact we might have had on someone else. While I am thanking you - I would like also to express my appreciation and gratitude to those who have sent me personal emails of support and encouragement. I won't answer them individually right now, but I am grateful. Today is my birthday and Mass was very special as it is my last one in the UK. The first song we sang was Amazing Grace. I said goodbye to the parish priest and he made me laugh as he usually does. He had celebrated Mass in the convent the week before I had to leave, and when he saw me in his parish church he was surprised, so I told him I had not been accepted by the community, and rather than try to offer gentle words of comfort, he blurted out, 'They kicked you out huh?' It actually made me laugh and was more healing than if he had been careful with his words. And today when I told him about the pilgrimage he said, 'That will straighten you out, faith lady!' I will miss him but I am sure there are plenty of wonderful people I will meet along the way (and along The Way) :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnneLine Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 Nunsense, you truly witness to the faith that many of us dream of having. I wish you every blessing of the Camino. And here is this for you: Give me my scallop-shell of quiet, My staff of faith to walk upon, My scrip of joy, immortal diet, My bottle of salvation, My gown of glory, hope's true gage, And thus I'll take my pilgrimage. Sir Walter Raleigh, 1618 Holding you in prayer, Nunsense... pray for us on your pilgrimage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilllabettt Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 I know someone who made the Camino. She was married last week and is currently on Camino AGAIN but this time with her new husband - it's their honeymoon! Everyone I've ever spoken to about it has said its a life changing experience. God is blessing you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmaD2006 Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 On this day which is Father's day in the US, I will pray that God the Father will provide for all of your needs during the pilgrimage and that His son will give you the graces that you most need at this moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnneLine Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 And that the Holy Spirit will lead your footsteps.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrayerSupporter Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 Dear Nunsense, My thoughts and prayers are with you. My parish's music director just started walking El Camino last week, so If you meet a lovely young lady named Laura from Illinois enjoy her company for a while. May your walk bring you closer to God through all its ups and downs.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AccountDeleted Posted June 17, 2013 Author Share Posted June 17, 2013 Thank you everyone for your good wishes and prayers. Last night the extern nun came over from the convent and joined by the young man who lives upstairs, we had an Indian take-out meal and some wine to celebrate my birthday and the start of the Camino. Then after Sister left, the young man and I chatted until quite late. He has spent the last six months going through an application process for the seminary because he wants to be a Diocesan priest. In addition to all the paperwork involved, he had to go through grueling psychological testing, followed by a panel interview. After all of that, and despite passing his psych eval with flying colours, he was told that they didn't think he would be able to cope with the stresses of being a parish priest and rejected his application. He was shocked (he was an altar server for 20 years in his parish and has been serving Mass for Chaplain at the convent for the past six months), his spiritual director was shocked, the Vocations Director of the Diocese was shocked and everyone who knows him was shocked. There couldn't be better priest material. He and I commiserated about our deep love for God and desire to serve Him, and the almost unbelievable (to us) fact that for whatever reason, it isn't possible in the ways we would like (him as a Diocesan priest and me as a nun). As he is still young (in his 30s), of course I told him not to give up, even though he may have to consider applying to a religious community if he can't get accepted as a Diocesan priest. For me, there just aren't many alternatives at this point in time, and it does seem that it just isn't God's will for me to become a religious. In the end however, it comes back to what Our Lord said in the garden... 'Not my will, but Thine be done.' It sounds so easy to say, but living it out takes a lot of courage sometimes - and trust. I am really looking forward to walking the Camino. I have no expectations really, but I am sure it will be something different. PrayerSupporter - Laura will probably be way too far ahead of me to meet up, but if I do cross her path I will say hi! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abrideofChrist Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 Nunsense, I tried to PM you for your perusal once you returned from the Camino. It says that you aren't PMable. Could you please contact me once you are done with the pilgrimage? Thank you. a bride of Christ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AccountDeleted Posted June 17, 2013 Author Share Posted June 17, 2013 Nunsense, I tried to PM you for your perusal once you returned from the Camino. It says that you aren't PMable. Could you please contact me once you are done with the pilgrimage? Thank you. a bride of Christ You are welcome to contact me via email on annierosha at gmail dot com if you want, although I am only responding to family right now as I have so much to do before I leave. I will post again on phatmass when I have finished the pilgrimage. My sister-in-law keeps asking me to write a blog along the way, but I am sure that I will be too tired in the evenings to do any such thing!:) But perhaps once it is all over, I will want to write about it. We will see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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